“Always remember that where you are is a result of who you were, but where you go depends entirely on who you choose to be, from this moment on.” Hal Elrod
Hal Elrod, mental coach and author of the bestseller “Miracle Morning”1, sums it up perfectly with this quote: Every person can control what they make of themselves, how they feel, and whether they achieve their goals. Where you currently stand emotionally, professionally, socially, and in all other areas is largely a result of your own efforts. No matter what the situation is right now, you can change it with your own hands, starting every day and every new moment. The change can be big or small, happen in fast or slow steps, because with every second, the rest of your life begins.
“But the circumstances I find myself in were caused by others”
It may seem to you that others have made it easier, and even if that is the case, you always have two options: accept your fate or deal with the fact that some circumstances can be changed through your own efforts. Every one of us has had bad experiences. However, it is important that we recognize a benefit in each of them. Suppose you were hurt and lied to; you can resolve to be honest and loving toward your fellow human beings so that they do not have to go through that experience. There are always two sides to every coin, and as long as you look at the bright side, the glass is always half full instead of half empty.
The salutogenic approach – health instead of illness
Aaron Antonovsky developed the concept of salutogenesis in the 1970s2. It focuses on human health. Salutogenesis is composed of salus (= wholeness, healing, happiness) and genesis (origin). In contrast to conventional medicine, which assumes the patient's suffering (pathogenesis: pathos = suffering), this model focuses on health.
Health pole
Illness pole
Antonovsky assumed that a person is never completely healthy, but also never completely ill, but rather exists on a health-illness continuum during their life (see image above). He came to this conclusion after examining the mental state of women in 1970 who had been in Nazi concentration camps between the ages of 16 and 25 in 1939. 51% of the women in the control group had no mental impairment.
In the test group of concentration camp survivors, it was 29%. A difference was to be expected, but what puzzled Antonovsky was that 29% of the women who had had to endure so much suffering were still physically and mentally healthy.
Stressors and individual resistance resources
Antonovsky concluded from this that individual health conditions (stressors and general resistance resources) vary widely. Thus, the same environmental conditions can lead to different health states, depending on which resistance resources the individual brings with them. This is especially evident among siblings who grow up under similar environmental conditions but develop different levels of personal stability regarding physical and mental health.
Furthermore, Antonovsky's theory is based on a sense of coherence (SOC = Sense of coherence), which can influence health. Based on this premise, Antonovsky developed the coherence triangle, which consists of the three components of comprehensibility, manageability, and meaningfulness.
Comprehensibility is understood in this context as a subjective category of one's own worldview and general knowledge. Manageability refers to a structure that one holds onto and finds difficult to let go of when receiving suggestions for change. This problem is associated with being pulled out of one's comfort zone for the sake of change.
The significance or meaningfulness is directly related to this factor; when it is recognized that the change brings positive effects, one is more likely to be willing to make it. Strengthening the three components is directly linked to resistance resources. This means that if the components are out of balance, the sense of coherence has a negative effect on the person's resistance resources.
How can you optimize your sense of coherence in real situations?
Suppose you want to quit smoking, then you understand that this would be beneficial for your own health. In this context, manageability is a major hurdle, as it is difficult to get out of the comfort zone of addiction. The change involves a lot of effort. Now meaningfulness plays a central role; if you recognize that you will actually feel better, no longer smell like smoke, and no longer have a cough, you can succeed in making the switch.
Meaningfulness could also be reinforced by other negative or positive factors, such as a partner who disapproves of smoking. All three factors must actually be strong enough for the switch to succeed.
What is success?
Everyone should ask themselves this question, as the answer can differ for everyone. Pascal Voggenhuber, a mental coach from Switzerland, defines success in his work “Enjoy this life”3 among other things as follows: A successful person achieves what they set out to do and pursues their calling instead of just working. They are happy to help others without feeling taken advantage of.
For me personally, this idea of success also holds true, but I have expanded it: finding solutions and recognizing opportunities instead of dwelling on problems. Always developing further, because a successful person does not stop when they succeed or fail at something.
Satisfaction
When you are satisfied with yourself, you can also give more to others. You can recognize a frustrated person by the fact that they are constantly looking for faults in others. If a partner in a relationship constantly criticizes the other, blames them, and is jealous, it is ultimately due to their own dissatisfaction. No self-sufficient person carries such negative emotions within them. It could also be put this way: “What Mara says about Ina says more about Mara than about Ina!”
How do you become more satisfied? First, you should appreciate the things you have. This point will be discussed in even greater detail in the next section under the title Gratitude.
Dissatisfaction also often arises when you feel that you haven't accomplished everything you wanted to do. It helps to keep a To-Do List on which you set priorities .
Questions like “what absolutely must be finished today and what can wait for a day or two?”. If at the end of the day you have perhaps only completed six out of ten things, but these had a high priority, you can postpone the remaining four things with a clear conscience until the next day. It is always important to ask yourself whether you have made the most of your full potential, or rather whether you have given your best effort. As long as you can answer this question with yes, it will also be easier for you to be satisfied with yourself. Basically, you should always hold yourself to the standard of doing your best!
Making mistakes is not the same as failing
“Every failure is a hidden blessing, provided it conveys a much-needed lesson that we would not have received without it. Most of the so-called failures are merely temporary setbacks.” – Napoleon Hill6
Napoleon Hill, who wrote the classic “Think and Grow Rich” in 1937, had already discovered during the 20 years he spent writing the work that mistakes are useful. You should view them the same way: as necessary components of a learning process. Many inventions in science have already arisen from chance and mistakes.
For example, the antibiotic penicillin was only discovered in 1874 by the surgeon Theodor Billroth because he forgot a Petri dish with dangerous germs before his vacation. When he returned after three weeks, he found a mass overgrown with mold (penicillin) – the dangerous bacteria were no longer visible8. Of course, not every mistake is associated with a scientific breakthrough, but you can always learn something from it.
The simple question “what can I do better next time so that I do not repeat the mistake?” would also be associated with a benefit. So you should not dwell too long on what went wrong, because it is already in the past and cannot be changed. It is better to focus on the future and strive for the best possible outcome.
Napoleon Hill also wrote back then that someone only becomes a failure when they give up. If you experience temporary failures, you are still far from being a failure.
Gratitude
To keep the things you strive for, you must first of all be grateful for what you already have. No matter how much things may not be as you wish them to be right now, you will always find something you can appreciate. You can start with things that often seem to us like they go without saying; a roof over your head, enough to eat, a job, friends, family, health, clothing, mobility, freedom, self-determination, leisure time, learning new things…
The list could be extended for a long time, and the more often you become aware of this, the less you complain about what you currently (still) do not have. Some mental coaches even assume that it is not possible to receive more as long as you are not grateful for what you already have5,6,7.
Love and emotions
Apart from food and sleep, there is hardly anything more important to us humans than love. Without interpersonal relationships and social contacts, we could not survive. Feeling unconditional love not only enriches us in a partnership.
When we learn to love ourselves and others, we can feel that energy, joy of life, imagination, and creativity arise from this emotion.
Biologically and evolutionarily, you feel this love most strongly for family members. According to studies, you would always offer help to close relatives without expecting anything in return. We should also take this basic attitude to heart.
Doing something for someone else usually gives us at least as much as the person we have supported with it. What is really important here is the aspect that you do it consciously and without expecting to get something material in return. However, it is certain that fruitful deeds will always benefit you – even if not necessarily in physical form.
Only those who can give love can also receive love; it does not work the other way around. So anyone who constantly asks themselves why they are not loved should first start by loving themselves and then develop love for others from this self-love. At the end of the day, this results in the other person also giving love back to the person. However, loving yourself should not be confused with arrogance or conceit.
The Mastermind Principle
This principle is based on cooperation, or more precisely, even on symbiosis. This idea also comes from Napoleon Hill6. Inspired by successful people like Henry Ford or Thomas Alva Edison, Hill was convinced that an idea or project is much more successful to implement if you assemble a mastermind group in which everyone contributes something.
Each of the members has their role and fulfills an important task. Everyone depends on each other, and only by sharing their experiences, ideas, and developments can something great arise. Hill illustrated with a metaphor how important it is to exchange information7: If two people each have one dollar and exchange it, they both still have exactly the same amount as before. However, if two people exchange their knowledge and experience, they both end up with twice as much knowledge as before.
Enthusiasm and voluntarily doing more than is required
To become successful, satisfied, and happy, you should also find out what inspires and fulfills you. In our modern world, fortunately, it is still possible in later years to change industries if you no longer like the job you once chose. It is important to find out what inspires you and to what extent you can connect this enthusiasm with a life purpose or, initially, perhaps with smaller goals.
If every time you start a week you think: “I hate Mondays, please let it be the weekend again,” then you are definitely in the wrong job. Your profession should fulfill you and inspire so much enthusiasm in you that you are happy to do more than what is required of you. Only in this way can you be successful in the long term. It may well be possible to earn good money for thirty years doing a job you cannot stand, but you will not be satisfied or happy with it.
What goals do you have in life?
A large part of the population cannot answer this question with certainty. However, everyone should ask themselves this question and think about it. It is best to write down where you would like to be in the short and long term in every area of life. It does not matter if certain points remain empty or if these goals change again and again. What is important is that you always know why and for what you do the things that take up your everyday life. You could divide the areas with their questions as follows:
- Profession/Career: What do I want to achieve? In 6 months, one year, five years, or ten years?
- Partnership: Do I want a committed relationship? What do I imagine a good relationship to be like? Do I want to have children, get married? Would I rather be independent and free?
- Social contacts: Who do I want to spend my time with? Which people are good for me and support me? What do I do to nurture these relationships?
- Health & Well-being: What is health to me? What do I do for it to feel good and healthy? Do I have athletic, physical, and health goals? Which ones? How do I achieve these goals, and do I need support from experts?
- Fun and joy: What is good for me? What relaxes me? What can I switch off with, and how often do I need these moments? When do I schedule them in?
In Practice: Daily Routines as a Foundation Routine is what determines our everyday life. Both bad and good habits determine our lives if we do not actively control them. This is why it is important to consciously plan your daily life and establish routines that can make many things easier in the long term. (Read here why habits simplify our everyday life)
A successful day should not begin with hitting the snooze button five times. If that is necessary, you must either optimize your biorhythm or sleep, go to bed earlier, change jobs, or look for other causes that trigger this lack of motivation. Getting up immediately and already looking forward to what awaits you that day; that is the right start!
Mental Training Journal
Keeping a gratitude journal has many benefits: writing always has a greater effect than thinking, after a while you can look back and see what developmental steps you have made, and it also brings structure to your life. The following points could occur daily – which does not mean that you cannot add to or change them:
- I am grateful for/that…
E.g. My apartment, my friends, good food, deep sleep, sunshine… etc. - Today's goals/ What do I do so that my day and the day of my fellow human beings will be good?
E.g. Do something for someone else without expecting anything in return / Be especially friendly to a person I often get angry about (you are surprised what this can do on both sides) / only say good things about other people (that is not so easy, you catch yourself every now and then) / complete three priorities on my to-do list… etc.
- What am I good at? What are my strengths?
E.g. Explaining things to others, I am a specialist in job XY… etc.
After these few minutes of writing, it would be a good idea to move around a little: yoga, stretching, or briefly going for a walk around the block with the dog are good for this. Afterwards, you could take a little time to meditate or do a breathing exercise. Everyone who finds this too much to start with should perhaps first aim to write in the journal for a few minutes. Just that makes a big difference and offers a focused and stress-free start to the day, if you consciously get up five to ten minutes earlier.
Finally, one more quote from Napoleon Hill that we should keep in mind, because it is never too late:
«Love the life you have and create the life of your dreams at the same time!»
Recommended audiobooks/books on personal development:
- Hal Elrod: Miracle Morning
- Carol Dweck: Mindset
- Napoleon Hill: Think and Grow Rich
- Napoleon Hill: Believe in Yourself and Grow Rich
- Pierre Franckhe: Wish Yourself Successful
- Alexander Janzer: Manifesting with the Law of Attraction
- Byrne, Rhonda: The Secret
- Charles F. Haanel: The Master Key System
- Ullrich Strunz: Strategies of Self-Healing
- Pascal Voggenhuber: Enjoy This Life
- Tony Robbins: The Power Principle
- Dr. Dome Vlog: https://www.dr-dome.de/category/mindset/
Literature
1 Elrod, Hal (2016): Miracle Morning – the hour that changes everything. Bavaria: Irisiana Publishing House.
2 Methfessel, Barbara (2007): Salutogenesis – a model that challenges you to think differently. Part 1. Heidelberg: Pädagogische Hochschule Heidelberg. In: Ernährungsumschau (12/07).
3 Voggenhuber, Pascal (2017): Enjoy This Life – How to develop your full potential. Bavaria: Allegria Publishing House.
4 Dwek, Carol S.(2010): Boosting achievement with messages that motivate. In: Education Canada (pp. 6-10).
5 Byrne, Rhonda (2007): The Secret – the secret. Munich: Arkana Publishing House.
6 Hill, Napoleon (1937): Think and Grow Rich. Munich: Finanz Buch Verlag FBV.
7 Hill, Napoleon (2011): Believe in Yourself and Grow Rich.Unterrohrbach: Deltus Media Publishing House.
8 Kern, Ernst (1991): Real and perceived progress in surgery. In: Würzburger medizinhistorische Mitteilungen. Volume 9 1991, pp. 417–429; here: p. 418